Friday, June 9, 2017

I am sorry Allie , i tried everything to keep you with me

We took Lola from a  place after having her spayed and then renaming her Allie in hopes her anger would meet us half way. She came out of her crate with potato peels as her lure. and drove in a big Dodge Dually by a restaurant owner to never saw them again . New start for such a broken little girl. She came at me in front of two young volunteers and gave me a good bite while i yelled out for help those two girls ran and locked themselves up in the shed. They would let me die ;o) I remember rubbing her belly and i remember her nose nudging me and taking me completely off guard while talking to another pig. She loved the snow and enjoyed being out in the paths 2 1/2 ft deep this winter. She was my helper. And that same nose touched my hand as we moved her into safe , heated quarters  close to me where she died later last night.    (I tried  6 diff types of antibiotics  and the necropsy left unanswered questions).      
I am not like most Santuary directors , speaking about love and taking selfies with my pigs. I am raw and real and speak out against wrongs and morne as deep as you do;.
To the likes of people like Debbie Cork who thought herself an authority on Sanctuary operations and volunteers attacked me in the most cruel way yesterday during a time in which i was trying to save the life of a pig. To all the Debbie Corks when your asking yourself how did this happen when some rescue is found out to be a fake and you cry out 'why didn't somebody say something ' I will and have .. and to all the Debbie Corks who think i should be able to live up to your expectations what ever they are , think again. Haven't i done enough and i know i have done more then you will ever do because i gave everything i could and you think your the  authority ... no ..i am,.
I bought this acreage, I worked my ass off and i built it and i moved us all and i built it again. I had a heart attack and during my recovery three years later i lost pig after pig after dog after cat and after horse as i was getting old and so were my babies .. i cried and i cried and it still wasn't good enough for you all.. i was to be some good witch floating around here in a pink bubble living up to everyone's expectations as a sanctuary director. .
I will live and die with Allies loss , what did i do ..what didn't i do.; and let me  share with you some more ,
 especially the likes of Debbie Cork.
Chris and Lynn arrived early today, early they volunteer and arrive about 1;30... but things come together as i woke early and rushed to Allie to find her gone and so this morning's greeting was of tears . Both girls offered instead of doing the reg chores they would take Allie to the Lab for me so i have have a Necropsy done so i could find out what i did wrong. Brook rushed down here with a bottle of wine and helped me deal with my grief and this is cleaning out both Allies house and the hospital room we moved her too. All the dishes of uneaten efforts, fresh hay moved out imprinted with her crossing. My kitchen littered with syringes. open bottles , pots filled with soups and remembering telling her that she had to be brave that all of this would make her better- ... and to find her dead was such a betrayal. I take comfort in that she didn't struggle. that she died peacefully and i am glad i gave her a shot of pain killer.
And Debbie Cork you were not here When Jeff arrived to help me take Allie to the clinic and Dana was here not you to help us load her. You were not hear to help administer shots and meds with Magda and i to try and save Alley.
You have one hell of a ;lot of nerve and if you think that i am going to read your post and take it sitting down and then you call it hatred when i stand up for myself ..well think again.
When Brook left today. she hugged and kissed me and although she is going home to her husband and kids she stopped a second to reinforce that love and hugged me again.
Screw you Debbie Cork on a day i lost one of my babies. .