Is it wrong to want more...

Tonight for some reason i feel sad and as i sat down on the front step of the barn with Dior it took everything of me not too cry. She is my oldest friend, having been with me for almost 20 years. She was there when Mark was alive, when my dad was as well and Willy and so many more who have crossed over before us. She is a beautiful sorrel quarter horse and has always been wise before her years. The last few months have been good , i am back to work. Daisy, Willie, Poppy, Jeremy , Joshua and Lucy are here and safe. I have spayed, neutered, bought a new house for them, created space and or found loving homes. So many people support my work here and the pigs truly are safe and happy. I couldn't of done what i have done so far. Is it wrong to always want more so that i can do more and do it better for them? I have a cherished handful of volunteers but we are not enough and last week i thought screw it, i am going to hire someone to get all this stuff done hanging over my head here. Get the drainage finished , dig more trenches and order more gravel. Trim some of the trees around here to let more of the little sunlight we do get in around here. This means of course off to the dump a few ten times .. and get that shed done and rat proofed , fix the doors and get it painted. Fix the pond net and replace that mess with new posts and new netting, install the new filter and water fall given to us. Was i forgetting how much money i put out as we don't have the money to hire anyone to do this and maybe that is why i am sad. Sure i find grants we can apply for but i need help to do them. Pub nights are postponed cause there are too many events surrounding our date , folks are heading off for vacations now . And we are getting some awesome donations in for a garage sale that will never happen unless we find someone where to have it. I keep saying "we " but who the hell is the we when its seems to be only me worrying about all of this. It takes either more volunteers or more money to hire someone to do it. I don't have either. My year end is past due , i got my letter from the Government but i am only one person doing the best and the very most i can. I can't afford to loose my status or pay the 600.00 fine to get it back. Maybe it is the rain that is getting me down , sick of the mud and and the wet around here and the damage being done to the grass as we try and work dry areas in. My favorite car was because of my first love, he had a 55 chevy... now i am a 55. Well i will be in a few days, is this what is getting me down? And everyone has to pay taxes so where is the 3400.00 going to come from? Oh yea just tack that on your overdraft loan..again. What a depressing post so here is a few pictures of Lucy who is on her way to fitness as she comes out to eat dinner...